Disbelieve

Fragility of life deserves only the kindest of words and lightest of gestures.

“The habit of persistence is the habit of victory” – Herbert Kaufman

I would like to think victory, but that is a large word with an even larger meaning, height of heights of achievement.

I have been trying to figure out what to write about without sounding boring, or old. I tire of hearing the same drum in my head personally.

I began to surround myself with wise words such as these, as I dug through and reminded myself and re-learned some old techniques; trying to pull out something different in that magic hat.

“Physical activity:

The value of exercise cannot be over emphasized.
Exercise will:
a. loosen mucus
b. mobilize mucus upward toward the throat
c. strengthen the respiratory muscles
d. improve the vital capacity of the lung
e. decrease pulmonary artery pressure

All individuals with CF should be as active as possible.

Aerobic exercise should be done at least 30 minutes three times a week; preferable every day. If aerobic exercise is not possible than walk, the benefits are still tremendous.” – Dr. Warren Warwick

This is how he taught; what he expected; and how life is achieved.

Aerobic exercise should be done 30 minutes a week – preferable every day. This is not a man with low expectations. This is a man who beat the best in you.

I pulled out an old coughing method, called the huff-cough. Then, Dr. Warwick also designed his own cough, which I have documentation of and now posted in front of my face.

I pulled out my percussor/massage device daily to put pressure on my upper left chest. When I put pressure on my upper right chest area, I don’t cough – I want my left to meet my right.

I am a disbeliever. The opposite of a believer, I know.

I do not believe in what most people tell me – never have.

The list is long:

1. Living with arthritis long-term – No.

2. Having to be on insulin; my current doctor remarked recently that he has never seen a case where a patient is not on insulin after 2-3 years of diagnosis . . . I will some day, I know that. It has been 15 years.

3. My current doctor says exercise doesn’t increase my PFT’s all that much. Some people believe that once you scar your lungs, that volume is lost forever. Sheila said “That’s not true; when smokers quit their lungs get better.”

I had an aerosol scan done long ago, back home; and one time I wasn’t getting air into a pocket in my lungs, thought to be scarring; two years later, air filled that pocket.

I believe no one. Even if in my lifetime you haven’t seen it, you may just see it from me. Not saying for absolute, cause never truly knowing anything (one can’t say for sure) – but I will work my damndest to achieve my goals.

Quoted from my physical therapist: “Essentially, aerobic exercise hydrates the mucus in the lungs, making it easier to raise the secretions (it is like a desert in there), and doing this on a regular basis can decrease exacerbations of CF lung disease thus decrease inflammation, saving lung function over time” – Matt Nippins

I started water aerobics. Fabulous.

A personal trainer on the CF website said this:

Combination of exercise:
“Swimming (good for expanding the lungs and stretching the muscles of the lungs and upper body); running (good for expanding the lungs and the pounding loosens the mucus); strength training with heavy weights (increase bone density, put on healthy muscle weight, strengthens muscles for other activities, and so many other benefits); and yoga (good for breathing and expansion of lungs and stretching muscles).” – runningforlife

This is it.

People ask me what I do with my days off – exercise, take care of my health. I spend a quarter to a third of my life to keep my life living. It is literally a part-time job physically and full-time job mentally; an average of 12-15 hours+ a week. It is insane.

I am beating the best out of me.

On that note – I was not in a good place a week or so ago – tired of this crap, wanting it (the coughing, hearing things in my lungs that I swear I didn’t hear anything a minute ago) – so bad to stop. When I get into that place, all I hear is “too bad – get on with it. You weren’t given that option. Suck it up. Shut the f-up.” Then I want to punch this invisible wall of crap. Health is one of the greatest liberties.

I started coughing very hard and my muscles went into this spasm that I couldn’t stop. I vomited, literally vomited all over my clothes, shoes, and floor. “Really?”

Pause.

Give space.

Breathe.

“this is what you shall do: love the earth and sun and the animals, despise riches, give alms to every one that asks, stand up for the stupid and crazy, devote your income and labor to others, hate tyrants, argue not concerning god, have patience and indulgence toward people, take off your hat to nothing known or unknown or to any man or number of men, go freely with powerful uneducated persons and with the young and with the mothers of families, read these leaves in the open air every season of every year of your life, re-examine all you have been told at school or church or in any book, dismiss whatever insults your own soul, and your very flesh shall be a great poem . . . ” – walt witman

I have read and re-read this passage countless times over 10-years. Love it. It was given to me by a friend of life.

Fragility of life deserves only the kindness of words and lightest of gestures.